Poisondwarf Countessa

Indecision

Have u ever been in a situation where you are forced to make a decision to do something u don’t want to but have to?

I’m recently unemployed (7 months ago) and been trying to become self sufficient as an estate agent. Things have been slow and the market really tough, to the point where I started considering (begrudgingly) working 1/2 day…

Suddenly a week ago an opportunity arose in the industry I specialised in to work half day….

I went 4 the interview and was immediately offerred the post.

Great right??? You would think so, yet my gut and heart were torn into several directions….

Part of me did not want to give up my new found independance, my new found freedom, just so that I could yet again be stressed, pressurised and for what? A mere token break even salary?

The common sense side of me was saying what if you don’t get another offer like this before your money runs out? Who says I’m going to have a sale soon? When will the market turn? Yes the moneys not great but its reasonably ok…..

So instead I put the offer to the test and I told them if they want my expertise it comes @ a minimum salary of X……

I told myself that if they valued my expertise they would accept and if not it would b a sign that they would just have abused me in any event…..

So now here I sit having still heard nothing and I wonder to myself….has indecision cost me an opportunity or saved me in the long run???

What do you think?

What if……..

After an insightful BBM chat last nite, I awoke this mornin contemplating the age old question of what if…. What if ……. What a loaded thought is it not? It has endless meanings and possibilities to each and every one of us. From the silly what if they don’t like me to the more serious what if it is dreaded news??? Have you ever stopped to consider how often we use the what if scenario? At the moment my most overwhelming what ifs are probably “what if I’m not cut out to be an estate agent?” “What if I’m not as strong as everyone thinks I am?” “What if I start losing the fight against lupus?” “What if I woke up 2morro and had my pre illness life back?” What are some of your what ifs?

Wtf

Wonders what happened to my last post I did on the weekend…… Mmmmmhhhhhh

Our differences

Yesterday I took my daughter and 5 friends down the road 2 our neighbourhood beach. 3 boys & 3 girls, black, indian and white and watchin them I was once again struck by the ability of kids (my daughter will kill me for calling her a kid lol) to just accept each others differences.

How fantastic life is when instead of using our differences as a reason for cultural, racial, sexual, religious etc divide, we simply accept and embrace them.

I was watching them playfully ripping each other off, no malice, no ego’s and I was in simple awe.

When do we lose that acceptance and innocence and why? What is it about life that makes us so jaded that we forget the simplicity of accepting our and others differences?

Food for thought….

kellyfm asked: Keep them blogs coming girl!

Yes ma’am lol

Letters

Whilst sitting in my car, outside the school, waiting for my daughter to come out, merely flipping through my FB on my BB, it suddenly dawned on me…………

I honestly cant remember the last time I communicated with a friend or relative through that ancient art of letter writing!!!! Can you?

Since the advent of cellphones and email we slowly but surely stopped communicating through the medium of letter writing.  Now I dont mean those little notes we write for people on the office or to the teacher, no I’m talking about earnest letter writing and in particular love letters.

Remember? When you would carefully choose the stationary? How you would carefully spritz the pages with your perfume before writing to him, so that when he opened it he would smell you……

And then it got me thinking…….how much the now generation is missing out on.  Don’t get me wrong I am first in line when it comest to technology. Blogging, tweeting, poking MMS’ing, SMS’ing, IM ‘ing, Skype you name it I luv the convenience and versatility, and yet I can’t seem to feel a little twinge of sorrow when I think of my daughter who is growing up and will probably never feel the rush of receiving that long awaited letter from the boy she is in love with in the mailbox….

I remember nearly jumping out of my skin everytime the mailman approached my house, because today may just be the day that he delivers a letter from my love up Natal way, and when it arrived the envelope would be covered on the back with littel secret code such as “143” which stood for I love you, or little sayings like “postman postman dont be slow be live Elvis go man go”   LOL ok ok Even I have to admit that sounds pretty dorky right now, but to a 15 or 16 year old girl it was the stuff that dreams were made of….

And when you finished reading them you would tie them all up in a satin bow and store them in your secret spot with all of your other little souveniers of him, so that you could take them out and read them over and over again, fueling the passion and love….

Call me nostalgic or just an old romantic, but nothing beats a handwritten love letter….. Aaaaaah yes I do miss those days…….

BUT YOU DON’T LOOK SICK!

gemsnooks:

Its a struggle feeling sick on the inside, while you look fine on the outside.
please reblog, if you are going through or know anyone with an invisible illness (Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Chronic Pain, APS, Diabetes, Crohns, Arthritis, Kidney Disease, Epilepsy, MS, Depression, Bipolar, M.E, ASD, Borderline personality, Anxiety, etc)

Conflicted

So as u know by now I’m currently unemployed albeit enrolled in an internship with my dad’s estate agency.

Things have been slow in the property market and in the last 3 months I’ve notched a couple of rentals but unfortunately no sales yet. This effectively means that my funds are running out at an alarming pace….

So after chatting 2 my old office today I get a call from a consultant saying she knows of someone who is lookin 4 someone with my qualifications and told him about me & he wants my CV.

I’m so conflicted, on the one hand I don’t want to go back into the formal sector, but on the other hand what if I don’t make sales and I pass up on this opportunity???

What to do?

I’m finally enjoying being my own boss (so 2 speak) and don’t know if I could handle being a number again…..

Why must life b so complicated?